Apparently, it is perceived by some people that Christmas is their free pass to be forgiven, like a clean slate, by the people they go out of their way to make even the simplest things difficult for another person. However, it is apparently acceptable by the same people to be a total dip-shit for the rest of the 364-days of the year. The dip-shit, would be my ex-husband, he has earned every letter of the term to the fullest. Apparently putting “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” at the end of his email makes up for all of his bullshit he causes during the rest of the years. While it could be viewed by some people as a kind gesture of turning over a new leaf, others who know my ex, know that will never happen. By answering his email and getting to the point with no emotional connection, he felt the need to point out that he added the “Merry Christmas” and “happy Holidays” to his email because I did not acknowledge it. The email could have ended there, but it did not. Again, ignoring his ridiculous email, he again must point it out in his next email that he put “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” in it.
“Happy holidays”
“Lastly, Merry Christmas April.”
While I was trying to explain to him that he emailed Zoe’s email account with the gifts he purchased for her and requested that I remove them from her wish list earlier in the month, and clarify why he sent a second email with different gifts. He decided to return the first set of gifts them without letting me know so I could add them back to her list and that now Zoe was expecting them because, after all, he again said he was doing something and is again going back on his word without explaining the changes directly to her. I get this:
“I guess “Happy Holidays” is just difficult for you without conflict.”
After explaining to him Zoe’s frustration that she has with him, because she vented it all to me after he send another email talking about buying her something different. I get this:
“How mean can you be on Christmas Eve? “
“By your angry comments, I hope you are not having a difficult Christmas Eve, I wish you and everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday. “
Ironically when he refers to his gifts for Zoe, DVD’s, PSP games, and a book “wanting to provide a Christmas gift that afforded an emotional connection with my daughter, not simply a material product.
I was sucked into the irony and had to remind this that these are still material products last I checked.
For the record, it is going on 11-months that Zoe has refused to see her dad because he “makes promises he does not keep”, “doesn’t keep the plans he says he makes when he asks me to visit”, “says bad things about my mom”, “talks over me then I try to tell him how his behavior makes me feel”, “does not listen when I tell him he makes me sad”, “let his mom hit me in Hawaii, told me it didn’t happen, and then told me I needed to tell her I was sorry”, “doesn’t support me in my interests (emotional support, financial is mandatory and he rarely does that)”, “lies to me”, “make me feel guilty when I have plans and don’t want to visit, but I never made him feel guilty when he left me and mom standing at the meeting spot for his weekends without letting anyone know he wasn’t coming”, “tries to change my mind when I have made plans by promising me surprises and bribing me to come to his house”… the list goes on and on.
I know his comments are to construe what I typed and are a hidden agenda to entice me into an argument. I felt I should share the ridiculousness of what I have to deal with. The man cannot even live up to his obligations, let alone attempt to repair the damaged relationship he has caused with his daughter.
This is not out of the norm for him to want recognition for an insincere meaningless gesture when it comes from him. You see, my ex, is not sincere, meaningful, caring, thoughtful, or nice in any way except when he wants to manipulate you into doing something for him. When you do something for him, you will not get any sort of appreciation for the deed. To the contrary, you will then be expected to go out of your way more often. When you do not give in to his demands or requests, you are then a horrible person and nothing you have done for him matters. The words “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” coming from him are not sincere. This same person became mad that I bake cookies, breads, and cakes every year, give them as gifts, and sent a bunch to his family when we were together. He felt buying and picking out material products that someone else made was more meaningful then a gift that was handmade. He now mimics this gesture of baking like a person with Asperger syndrome, mimicking gestures but does not fully understand the meaning and appropriate use of the gesture. Therefore, “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” are just meaningless words he uses to seem sincere when really he is and always will be superficial.
Oh my goodness, he is EXACTLY like my ex- brother in law. Manipulation like that is a learned skill and some people figure out how to perfect it. At least your daughter is figuring out on her own that he doesn’t follow through instead of having to continue to get her hopes up over and over.
Isn’t it crazy how that works?
My ex was very similiar to this – espeically after we divorced. The way I dealt with it – and Nicole – was to not see him or have any communication unless it was witnessed by someone. Nicole chose not to see him for years. I am so sorry you have to live thru this but you need to stop allowing him into your ‘head’. It is so hard. K.
It is hard to get things accomplished when he drags his feet. The good part is out communication is only by mail. Our court orders, because of his conduct, states email correspondence only. That was everything is in writing. When we had to meet for exchanges, I had a police civil standby because of his bullying; he even tried to challenge the cops presence once. Then the courts ordered that he take his visits in his area, it’s down south. Other then that I usually ignore his bs. However, he did get into my head this time. It’s about every 4 months, I get pissed about his constant battle to make things so difficult, like he doesn’t have enough happiness in his life without conflict. Zoe refuses to see him, she stopped talking to him and now doesn’t want to text or email him. He is doing a real good job at being a parent. Epic Fail!
Sorry you had to deal with that too. Some people…